Even for devout fans, it has never been easy to do much rooting on the weekend of the spring football game.

Do you root for Scarlet or Gray? Even if you have a favorite player on one side, it can’t be easy working up a good hate for the other guys. It’s like having Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde break out a deck of playing cards and face off in a riveting game of war. Mom has to like them both, right?

But this year, Ohio State marketing types have given even a no-cheering-in-the-press-box spoilsport like me a rooting interest. Mark me down as quietly but fervently rooting against the four attendance records OSU is trying to set this weekend as part of a Scarlet and Gray Days promotion — school attendance records for baseball and softball and national attendance records for spring football and men’s lacrosse.

That sounds pretty crabby, I know. Only a jerk would root against attendance marks for softball and men’s lacrosse games; that seems almost like rooting against a tee-ball fundraiser. But this isn’t a vote against big crowds for those events, only against the scheme of some marketing genius who wants to squeeze a little glory out of bogus records.

Going for a spring football record obviously isn’t a big deal. More than 75,000 fans showed up last year, and the record is only 92,138. If OSU officials can simply root out the names of the selfish fools who think it’s better to use a beautiful spring day to plant flowers or go boating, they could top the spring football mark by about a million.

It’s when you schedule an Ohio State-Denver lacrosse game in Ohio Stadium just before the spring football game that this starts to smell. It’s a terrific idea to give the lacrosse team an opportunity to play in front of huge crowd. But to bill this as a chance to set a national attendance record, a chance to top the record crowd of 52,004 who attended last year’s national semifinals in Baltimore, is absurd.

Remember when Ohio State used to announce inflated women’s basketball and men’s hockey crowds based on unused tickets that came with the men’s basketball ticket package? This is even worse. OSU officials are hoping to use football fans who wouldn’t know a lacrosse stick from a croquet mallet to set a national record.

Ohio State’s quests to surpass the Bill Davis Stadium attendance record of 5,360 at a baseball game tonight against Purdue and the Buckeye Field record of 1,175 for a softball game Sunday against Penn State aren’t quite as bad, but they’re still irritating.

To get fans to attend those games, Ohio State is offering a four-event ticket package for $10 that includes a chance to win tickets to this fall’s football game against Penn State. The drawings for the football tickets will occur at the baseball and softball games and fans have to be there to win. Get it?

The baseball team has drawn lots of big crowds over the years. Its attendance record was set in 2002 by an NCAA-bound team that included future major leaguer Nick Swisher for a doubleheader against Minnesota with the Big Ten title at stake. The softball record was set last spring when Ohio State played Cal State Fullerton in the NCAA Tournament.

Is it really better to have legitimate attendance marks wiped off the books for records set by a bunch of disinterested people who are motivated by a chance to win football tickets?

As much as this bothers me, I’ve decided to go ahead and climb on board. I’m going to bring a checkerboard with me to the spring football game and challenge athletic director Gene Smith to a match on the 50-yard line just as soon as the spring football game is over.

If we can finish the game before those weary lacrosse/football fans can escape from the stadium, we might be able to set a world attendance record for a game of checkers.

In the spirit of Scarlet and Gray Days, we will probably remember that remarkable achievement forever.

By: Bob Hunter - The Columbus Dispatch

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